70 Funny Ouija Board Questions for a Silly Session

Updated May 28, 2021
Hands of women using a Ouija board

An Ouija board is known as a spirit board or a talking board. The tool's intent is for human beings to be able to communicate with spirits of the dead via a board of letters and moving parts that create words. Whether you believe Ouija boards are legit or not, everyone can have some serious fun with them, asking funny Ouija board questions of those on the other side.

Funny Ouija Board Questions for Parents

Your kids are lovely, adorable human beings, and you are so proud of the people they are growing into. They are also some of the best liars in the universe. If your children are world-class, poker-faced fibbers, get out the Ouija board and see if they really are sneaking cookies in the dead of night. Deceased detectives will give your sly offspring up in a second.

  • Who keeps putting empty snack boxes back in the pantry?
  • Will my grown child ever move out of the basement? (Timeline please?)
  • Is my grown child going to marry his/her partner? (Bonus points for a "no" answer.)
  • Are my teenagers actually showering every day?
  • Which one of the kids scratched the car? Give them up.
  • Will these kids ever sleep past 6 am?
  • Should we have a third baby, or is that the wine talking?
  • What is the password to my teenager's secret TikTok account?
  • Can you spook my teenager into cleaning his/her room?
  • Where are all the family's socks going after I put them in the washing machine? Is there a sock underworld nobody knows of?
  • Where on earth did I put the kids' baby books? (Can not find them anywhere!)
  • Do these kids all know how to do laundry and dishes and are just milking me for all I am worth?
  • Will we ever have a vacation that is actually relaxing? (Or will I be dead by then too?)

Funny Ouija Board Questions for Kids and Teens

Older kids and teenagers can have loads of fun with Ouija boards. These Ouija board questions, geared specifically towards older kids and teenagers, will have everyone shrieking and rolling in laughter. Of course, this activity should be done under the supervision of adults, especially when involving kids, and the lighthearted tone is perfectly appropriate for a younger age group.

  • What is this home's Wi-Fi password? (If your parents keep this under lock and key, this is a must.)
  • What is dad's credit card number?
  • Where is that weird smell in the bedroom coming from? (Let the dead save you some trouble.)
  • Do my parents know about watching Grey's Anatomy in the basement?
  • Who is the favorite kid in the family?
  • Will Harry Styles ever not be hot?
  • Is this kid getting a car for the big 16th birthday, or should all hope be given up for that one now?
  • What is my math teacher's password to the grade book?
  • How grounded will I be for this next report card?
  • Will there be life after Netflix?'
  • Is there a Chick-fil-A for the deceased? Do you know about Chick-fil-A? (If you can walk through walls, walk through this eatery's walls and take all the Chick-fil-A sauce because it is amazing.)
  • Do the dead think words like "butt" and "fart" are as funny as kids think they are?

Funny Ouija Board Questions for Couples

Every couple has secrets. Flush those skeletons out of the closet using an Ouija board. Let the deceased spill all of your partner's tea. (Don't ask anything truly life-altering or that you don't want to know, though! Save those biggies for the Maury Povich Show.) If you think your partner is stepping out on you, an Ouija board might not be the deciding source you use to determine that.

  • Will my partner ever stop snoring?
  • Will there be a proposal in the next ten years from him/her?
  • Does my mother-in-law like me?
  • Does my partner love our dog more than they love me?
  • Is my partner aware of how much money I spend on Amazon annually?
  • Is my partner really sleeping when the baby cries at night, or just pretending not to hear the wails?
  • Does my partner indeed use the bathroom as much as they claim to, or are they hiding in there?
  • Can you send a spiritual shopping helper to aid my significant other in holiday shopping?
  • How many bathrobes will I receive for Christmas in my lifetime?
  • Does my partner really like my cooking?
  • Which one of us do people like better?
  • What is most annoying thing I do that my partner can not stand?

Silly Ouija Board Questions for Singles

Singles have all the time in the world to come up with hysterical questions for the Ouija board. For those who are feeling stumped? These fun asks will give a good start.

  • Have I met my future partner and just missed him/her somehow?
  • Will I have enough money to float rent next month?
  • What is my roommate doing in his/her room all day long? (Open the door!)
  • Does my roommate eat my food when I'm not here?
  • Will I ever live in an apartment with its own washer and dryer?
  • Is the guy/girl I met last Friday ever going to call me?
  • Should I give up and let mom/dad set me up with their friend from church's son/daughter?
  • Does everyone feel bad for me at the holidays because I'm always showing up alone?
  • Is married life worth it, or am I already living the dream?
  • Does my cat like me as much as I like him/her?

Funny Work-Related Ouija Board Questions

When getting together with co-workers who are also friends, there is only so much shop talk that you can squeeze into an evening. Switch things up and turn to the dead, asking them all of your burning office questions.

  • Who keeps eating people's food out of the community refrigerator? (Looking at you, Rodger.)
  • Who hooked up at the company Christmas party last year?
  • Is Dave from accounting single? (Please say yes.)
  • Does my boss know that I'm playing Words With Friends during the staff meetings?
  • Who is scoring the corner office when Dan retires?
  • Does the boss call me "Pal" because he doesn't know my name?
  • Do people know I secretly nap after lunch when I say I am in meetings?
  • Do co-workers know that I lie when I say their emails went to spam and that I never received them?
  • Did Janet really have plans when she couldn't attend the last social work function or not?
  • Where is that casserole dish I used to bring food into the last company staff meeting? (No one seems to know where it went.)
  • Am I getting passed up for a promotion (and does it have to do with my after-work karaoke bar antics)?
  • What gift should I get my boss for the holidays so that he considers me for advancement?

General Funny Ouija Board Questions for Those on the Other Side?

These funny questions are general ones to ask those who have crossed over from the world of the living. Really, what is it like in the world of the dead?

  • Is there dating on the other side?
  • Do you ever watch couples "in action?"
  • Who is the most famous dead person you've ever met?
  • What is the best part about "the other side?"
  • What annoys you most about humans today?
  • Do you ever show up to one of these things nude?
  • Are there financial transactions on the other side? If so, can you be paid to scare my brother into leaving me alone?
  • Can you communicate with animals? If yes, which animals are the funniest ones?
  • If you could tell one famous person to stop doing something, who would it be, and what thing would you tell them? (Is the answer Miley Cyrus and is the something anything related to wrecking balls or singing because...same.)
  • Do other people think that I sound as weird as I think I do when I talk on the phone?
  • Is participating in one of these things like having children who never stop asking random questions?

General Rules for Ouija Board Questions

When using a Ouija board, stick to a living room or bedroom, steer clear of graveyards. Too many voices from the other side might try to get in on the Ouija action. Be open to anything divulged by the board, but take everything revealed with a grain of salt. If you are leery of communicating with the dead but still want to take the Ouija board for a spin, stick to hilarious questions like these or safe ouija board questions. While you might think that this is all fun and games, steer clear of certain questions that one should never bring up using an ouija board for various reasons.

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70 Funny Ouija Board Questions for a Silly Session